Yellow Azalea

For the past 5 years I have chosen a word and participated in the One Little Word class hosted by Ali Edwards. You can read about the class here:https://aliedwards.com/one-little-word-2020

The words I have had before are:

• 2015, Rise
• 2016, Focus
• 2017, Accept
• 2018, Courage
• 2019, Create

My most successful words have been rise, accept and courage and all three of those words had different results for me. Last year, I did not join in the one little word class as I was participating in Wanderlust 2019 and I wanted to focus on creating, not necessarily using the word in a wider way. Well, it worked for a bit of the year, but I kind of lost my way after the first few months.

I think there are a few reasons why I lost my motivation during the year and while it may have been healthy to create to work out my feelings, I just seemed to hit a flat spot in my energy and motivation. It was hard enough going to work, keeping up with home life and while the new sober me is good, it does mean dealing with life’s ups and downs in the raw. So, with both my Dad and Terry passing away last year, I’m going to give myself the grace of thinking ‘just coping’ with everyday life is not all bad.

Part of my own anxiety around grief stems from worrying about what life looks like for people once their loved one’s are gone, and how they are left to deal with the practicalities of life if the legal side of things are not set in place. With Mitchell and Holly turning 16 at the end of last year, we are now into the transition to adulthood phase and while we certainly plan on being around for many more years, there is a lot of planning involved with a child/adult with intellectual disability about what will happen to Mitchell after Phil and I are gone. Not saying we don’t need to have a plan for Holly either, but there is so much more to arrange for Mitchell, when he can’t do it for himself. Those are deep thoughts and something I need to write about in the privacy of my journal. Anyway, what does that have to do with One Little Word?

I had started to contemplate my word at the end of last year, but unlike other years, had not settled on it by the beginning of January. My word is important to me, for it to work it needs to be a part of my goals for the year and to inspire me. Many words had been going around in my head

First up was CHANGE – because I am undergoing the ‘Change of Life’ and there are also some things I am keen to change up a bit. But then I thought, no, I like me as I am, I don’t need to change, I just need to find me again…. this led me to ask Holly for some ideas, and describing that I wanted a bit of the old me pre kids, more independent, fit and healthy, she suggested reinvigorate, which I liked, but then, changed to RENEW. So that became a contender for a few days , as did PASSION, while I thought about what I used to be passionate about – travel, running, golf. After sitting on that for a few days I was still not totally convinced it could do everything for me that I wanted.

I had been talking about trying to take a trip with Holly in June, July. A boost and motivator for us, as it is difficult to travel far with Mitchell because of his health, and also financially for our family, it becomes 4 plus the caregivers. Forever, I have wanted to go to Italy, never having made it there 30 years ago during my OE. Holly, is taking History and Classics this year and is totally into the history, myths and learning about Ancient Kingdoms, so with some rearranging of finance and with what I am not spending on wine, Phil said go for it. This then made me think of DISCOVER. That fitted in well with my yearnings to travel and also to ‘refind, renew’ myself. But it still didn’t click completely.

This finding a one little word is tricky and if you don’t get it right, it doesn’t really work. So it’s now February and I started to contemplate, how we were going to make the trip happen, and how I wanted to drop a couple of dress sizes and get fitter before we went, which led me to think about how I could make things stick. And, as I have an Obliger tendency, (https://www.fastcompany.com/40560193/how-these-4-different-personality-types-find-motivation), I know I can meet ‘outer’ expectations, but often struggle with inner expectations if I don’t have commitment or accountability. So, that led me to RECORD. What a strange word. But what wonderful meanings. It is both a noun and a verb and it can mean to make a record – to set down in writing (I can set goals); it can be an achievement, ie. to attain your best, an academic record; it can be written evidence, or a recording of evidence, plus it can be a collection of items (recorded).

So, that is it. And that’s how I got to it.

Then lo and behold, my brother rings to ask if I want my Dad’s old radiogram (turntable) and records. It must be a sign. Immediately, I started thinking of ways I could use ‘records’ for a creative exercise.

And today, it is 20 weeks until we depart for Italy and Greece, so I have a lot of planning and record keeping to do.

Cheers Cherie