Sunday 10 May – Day 46 – Happy Mothers Day
I started Mothers Day at about 5 am when I woke as Phil was having trouble getting comfortable due to stomach pains. My first thoughts, oh no, there goes my mothers day relax. Gone, just like that. Unfortunately for Phil, I am not very sympathetic when he is unwell. Then, along comes Holly not long after, looking for a panadol as she has a headache and is not feeling well. So, BAM, just like that I am the one taking care of the team, rather than having a turn to be taken care of. Instead of a lie in and breakfast in bed, I would be getting up at 7 am to look after Mitchell (no carer today).
I know there are a lot of Mums out there who have an attitude that ‘every day is Mothers Day’ and others who don’t like the commercialism of this day – but I am not one of them. I love to be treated as someone special on Mothers Day and on my birthday. I like a sleep in, breakfast in bed and a card that has been chosen or made with love. This borders on one of those premises that this makes me a selfish person – fancy thinking that I like to be treated like a queen now and then, but that’s the truth, I do. I don’t think Mums get the thanks they deserve, and I like this tradition and as much as anything I like the thought of not doing domestic duties for a day. If nothing else happens, I like to NOT do laundry, dishes, any cleaning or cooking for the whole day and I like my kids to give me hugs. Plus, I like to hug my mother and thank her for being a wonderful Mum. But even that was out of reach this year. With lockdown, I am unable to visit my Mum due to the travel restrictions in place, and while we may not see each other in person every Mothers Day, it was another disappointment for the day to take into account.
I know that choosing a time to be sick is not something within our control, but why does this sort of thing always happen on a day I have earmarked for a little bit of me time. Plus, I am sitting here looking at a big week without any daytime carers, thinking, just thinking that today would be a good day to refresh. It was not to be.
However, the team rallied a bit, and it turned out that they had managed to get me a card, which had some lovely words from Holly – that was special. Then when I took Mitch for his daily drive to the chemist, he signed YES to stopping at The Gardens for a walk. Something he hasn’t wanted to do in a long time. So, we parked and off we went for a stroll. The rest of the day was pretty quiet, and Phil made yummy enchiladas for dinner, so all was not lost.
Then at 6 pm, while on the phone to my Mum I got a call to say our carer couldn’t make it tonight – oh my, what a grand finale! Thankfully, Mum suggested Rachel as she had seen her today, and knew that Josh was coming up to Auckland for a night shift. So we got Mitch off to bed, and then Rachel came at about 10.30 pm.
Monday 11 May – Day 47
You’ve heard the saying – flat as a pancake? Well that was me today, except I was flatter than a crepe. I just couldn’t get past the fact that the week loomed without any carers for Mitchell during the day this week. The reality of doing it alone (Phil is home, but working) was making me tired before I even got out of bed. Not helped by a couple of poor sleeps as both Phil and Holly continued to be unwell overnight. Rachel finished at 8 am this morning and by about 10 am I was starting to unravel.
Today, we were having the COVID19 update at 4 pm about the possibility of changing alert levels, so we tuned into that. When it was announced that we would go to Alert Level 2 on Wednesday night at 11.59 pm, I totally lost it. Now, I would need to go back to work by Sunday, and that would be at the end of a long week. It should be good news, but it instantly put me back in to overwhelmed mode, about what I had to organise to make work and school happen. Its been tough being home all the time, with a full house, but faced with getting going again on top of a shortage of caregivers is daunting.
Thankfully, Phil recognised that I was nearing rock bottom and his adrenaline kicked in. He organised for Sherlie to change her shifts to cover part of the days, got Rachel sorted for another night and made up a timetable for us to do the nights between us – giving us some awake, but down time each in the middle of the night.
Today is the beginning of the Week in the Life 2020 project run by Ali Edwards, but, my kit has not arrived from the US, so I have been trying to decide whether to take photos and write, or just to make it another week. Thought this week would be a good snapshot of life, moving from Level 3 to Level 2, but for this project to be effective it is also a good idea to be prepared with what your angle is. So, will try to take some photos and see what the feels are like. At the moment, I just feel as though I have too many ‘on the go’ and unfinished projects. Week in the life is a seven day documentary process of capturing everyday details of your life in photos and words. See more here if you like the idea. https://www.aliedwards.com/week-in-the-life-2019
Tuesday 12 May – Day 48
Spent the morning with Mitch until 11 am, and then tried to tackle a few chores. Feeling better than yesterday, just knowing that there is some help coming and Sherlie is working from 11 am until Mitchell sleeps at night for the next few days. Took a few photos for WITL today, but still not sure, technically it only started today (US time and all that), but while I have stories to tell, I might just carry on here for this one and wait for the kit.
Wednesday 13 May – Day 49
In my inbox today was an idea from Louise Thompson (a life coach and wellbeing writer) who I follow. It was a simple idea and relevant to me, so I am sharing the link here: https://louisethompson.com/how-a-niggle-list-can-change-your-life/
I find the word niggle interesting. And it kept repeating in my head and reminded me of the British comedy, Miranda. I love how she pounces on a word, and keeps pronouncing it to ‘feel’ the word. Anyway, this word, was doing that in my head, and in Miranda’s voice, if you must. It was a bit like hearing ‘the wheels on the bus’ song and not being able to let it go.
The word niggle, became a niggle in my head (a persistent annoyance), just as the word described. Of course, in lockdown we have been living with a lot of extra niggles in our homes if they are not in tip top shape. And I realised I have a lot of daily niggles on the go – some have been caused by being unable to get supplies or something fixed easily in lockdown, but many of them have been present for a long, long, long time. Some even for years. I really think it is time Phil and I put to bed some of those niggles. I thought I would make a list of niggles, then thought it was just another to-do list, but I’m gonna do it anyway. Plus, I am going to try and a) take care of the niggle or b) delegate the niggle. One can only try – not sharing the niggle list, as it is mighty long and full of fun.
Holly’s school is heading straight back tomorrow and we have had clear instructions on procedures, which include all kids having their temperature checked on arrival, hand sanitiser stations at the classroom doors, with each student entering in single file. It’s a revised version of school, but I hope that the social continue will help stimulate Holly’s usual enthusiasm for school. School pick up tomorrow will reveal the result of getting back into it.
Realising I needed to up my self care mechanisms today so did a yoga session at home today – it’s been more than a week, and of course it felt great and immediately I was reprimanding myself for not doing it more often. But, I also must remember to be kind to myself and that anything is better than nothing. Then made myself a yummy coffee from our Nespresso. Favourite at the moment is the Starbucks Colombia. Later on burned some essential oils. Got to keep up these little things that keep me sane.
My go to essential oil is Lavender for anything and everything, but, I have also been using the ‘sinus calm’ blend, which has Eucalyptus, Lavender, Peppermint, Pine, Mint and Tea Tree (Kanuka). It smells yummy with the eucalyptus and reminds me of those inhalations Mum would get us to do with the hot water, steam and a towel over our head. I don’t know what was in it – maybe vicks or rawleighs? But it was good.
Thursday 14 May – Day 50
Well, we had no new Corona virus cases here in NZ today – things are looking up for us. As for the world picture, some parts of Italy and Japan are starting to lift their lockdown restrictions too. Each country has different ways of getting through this and luckily for us our isolation from other countries and having no land borders is a huge advantage for this situation. How to reopen the country, is another matter entirely.
Today was The Budget, and it was named “Rebuiding Together”. This blog is not about politics – but I do take an interest in what is happening with the health and disability budgets. At first glance, it looks generous, but of course, there is going to be a lot of backlog from these 2 months of limited surgical procedures and the like. So, I will have a better look at where the money is headed and how it may affect our situation with Mitchell once the fine print is out.
Holly’s first day went well, but she came home and fell asleep. Still think she is not 100%. Popped out to Manukau Mall to pick up our replacement vacuum, from the insurance claim – it was busy, but not as bad as I expected. I’m not entirely confident about going out into the ‘world’ again and feel it is going to take some time to become less wary of where germs may be hiding. I just hope that ALL people have become more aware of how germs can spread easily and why we need to wash our hands and stay home if we are sick.
I have not been creating or exercising much this week. Time is a problem, without carers and sleeping at irregular times is mucking up my energy. It just becomes a matter of ‘getting through’ as best you can. Finished a light Danielle Steel novel called The Numbers Game and am starting back on reading The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak. This book has been on my ‘to read’ list forever, and I just haven’t been able to get into it. I thought I would try again in lockdown, but the topic was/is heavy and I needed light or motivational. But I have decided, I will read it alongside something light and fluffy (like Danielle Steel) and see if as I go further it pulls me in.
Now, that I have blogged 50 days of lockdown, and we have reached Alert Level 2, I think I will try to refocus again on creating and hopefully be able to share some of my latest journal pages or works in progress. First up, I have been starting to gather bits for my mini album that I made in Kellee Wynne’s layered page class and have started looking for quotes about self compassion, success or resilience that I can add to it, so that it becomes a little book of self-love. I have been going around in circles about what to use it for, and decided I just need to decide and Do something. So that’s it. Here is what I have collected so far.